dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
