I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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