Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
