why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
