dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
