Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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