My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Less talking, more tequila
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
