oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
