If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
