cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We are two peas in an std pod
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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