Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I want a musical about memes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
