Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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