i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
