It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
