i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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