He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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