I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
