smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
