No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
