I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
