dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
