Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
