and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
