She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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