Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
