Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she peed on how many people?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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