I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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