AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
