david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
