i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
