so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
