Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
