my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
