You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
