i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
