Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
