who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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