pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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