Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
