why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
