Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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