some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I've blown a few things in my day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
