so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
