I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
