Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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