I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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