I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
