remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dear god my vagina.
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