They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
