He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
