Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize