oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
