So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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