your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
