If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
