Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
