her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
