Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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