Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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