Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
