sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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