Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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