you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize