Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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