I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
