he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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