super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
