Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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