you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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