you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
