I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
